Good Morning Ladies and Gents!
After a regularly scheduled g chat conversation turned to blogs and xanga, a light bulb went off in my head and I had one of those infamous Oprah "A ha" moments. I thought, "Hey, Mary! You do have a blog!" Not an extraordinarily good one, but you have one that you used to spend time on. So I came back to this blog, gave it a quick once over and honestly felt a tinge of sadness/insecurity. Reading my blog you'd never think I wrote an intelligent thought in my life. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself but I'm all about self expression. Through music, dance, theater, words, photography, or whatever channel or medium you find the most expressive for you and your inner thoughts. USE IT, PLEASE! There are so few artists in the world and I honestly feel that it is only through art that we can help regain some of the humanity that our society has lost.
I don't consider myself to be an exceptional writer or even a very good one. I find that I'm often doubting myself when it comes to punctuation or word choices. I get so caught up in the schematics of a sentence that it's easy for me to loose my voice. Interestingly enough, I'm a girl that won state writing contests for my poetry throughout Middle School. As I was judging my blog today and casually browsing through others I kept thinking, "Damn, why can't I be that witty?" "Ugh, I need a quote like that. Where did he find such a good quote?" Then, rationality sank in and I realized that I'll never be the writer that I want to be if I keep telling myself that I can't.
When I was younger I had all of the confidence in the world when it came to writing, that was my thing. Fuck the grammar and punctuation, I had a story to tell and I, Mary K. Robinson, was going to tell that story and change the world. That why I wanted to be a broadcaster, because I wanted to make people care about the stories they lost sight of. Unfortunately, self doubt crept in and I told myself I couldn't do it. So I stopped trying or putting in 100% because it seemed like my dream of becoming a foreign correspondent wasn't likely because everyone else around me was so far head of me. I didn't have the time that they did. I had to work and pay my way through school, they have Mommy and Daddy sending them checks. I was wrong. I wanted to be an actress, then my doubts about my looks and talents sank in. I was wrong.
If I keep doubting myself, then who's going to be there to support me? If I don't chase my dream, no one else will do it for me. I'm envious of the artists of the world who dare to pursue such an unstable dream. They're the Christopher Columbus' of our generation. There's no guarantee they're going to make it to dry land and discover a world of riches or stability. However, they do it anyway. And it's so damn sexy.
